The scope of this blog is so wide, I’m not quite sure how to go about making introductions. So let me just begin by saying hello. These posts will be significantly shorter than the others to which you’ve already become accustomed on other columns on Blogwyrm, but you should get a wide variety of different observations of mine. So hopefully that should make up for it? Maybe? Please love me.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about a song I keep hearing on the radio. Maybe you’ve heard it too, played every few minutes on your local top 40 station. It’s the latest from Andy Grammer, entitled “Honey I’m Good.” The refrain, in addition to featuring quite possibly the only musical use of the phrase “I’ve got to bid you adieu,” shows the singer turning down a drink from a girl because “to another [he] will stay true.” Awww, isn’t that sweet? In this day and age, when guys seem to be cheating on their girlfriends and wives more than ever, Andy Grammer wrote a song about fidelity.

Except, um, I think we all might want to take a closer look at the lyrics.

Nah nah honey, I’m good
I could have another but I probably should not
I got somebody at home

It’s been a long night here, and a long night there
And these long long legs are damn near everywhere (hold up now)
You look good, I will not lie
But if you ask where I’m staying tonight
I gotta be like oh, baby, no, baby, you got me all wrong, baby
My baby’s already got all of my love

So nah nah honey, I’m good
I could have another but I probably should not
I got somebody at home,
And if I stay I might not leave alone
No, honey, I’m good
I could have another but I probably should not
I gotta bid you adieu
To another I will stay true

Now better men, than me have failed
Drinking from that unholy grail (Now check it out)
I got her, and she got me
And you’ve got that ass, but I kindly
Gotta be like oh, baby, no, baby, you got me all wrong, baby
My baby’s already got all of my love

Oh, I’m sure ya, sure ya will make somebody’s night
But, oh, I assure ya, assure ya, it sure as hell’s not mine

I’ve highlighted the lines of particular interest. So, what we have here is a guy out at the bar–by the way, why is he out at the bar if his girl is waiting for him at home? Either she’s at home sick, in which case why aren’t you there taking care of her, or she has no idea he’s out, in which case why are you lying to her? Why bother having a girlfriend at all if you’re just going to go out without her? Anyway, we’ve got a guy out alone at the bar, and he’s hitting on this girl–by the way, why is he hitting on this girl if he’s got “somebody at home?” Especially since he’s going and congratulating himself for not “drinking from that unholy grail.” And then the girl decides, hey, this guy is hitting on me. Maybe he likes me. I think I’ll buy him a drink. (I personally wouldn’t, since he’s complimenting my body in a slightly unsettling way, but that’s neither here nor there.)

It’s only at that point that he says, you know what? I could use another drink, but if I have another I might decide to cheat on my girlfriend and go home with you. So I should probably tell you no.

“Probably?” After going out of his way to hit on her all night? Is anyone but me seeing the total absurdity in that? And I mean, you can sit there and tell me all you want that he’s only using this or that word because it rhymes or fits the rhythm, but there are plenty of other ways to write that song. For instance:

Oh, no, honey, I’m good
I could have another but I know that I should not
I’ve got somebody at home
And you can stay, but I must leave alone
No, honey, I’m good
I could have another but I know that I should not
I’ve got to bid you adieu
To another I will stay true

Two lines changed and the whole thing already sounds much better. And I’m not even gonna touch the line about her… assets.