Na Na Why Don’t You Get a Job?

Hello again all, it’s been a while. I didn’t want to be one of those one-and-done bloggers, but lately I’ve been nothing short of swamped.

Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk about today: the job hunting process.

Lord, where do I even begin? These last several weeks have been stressful to say the least. I’m sure any of you above college age can relate. You graduate. You get that shiny new diploma in the mail. It’s so much nicer than your rinky-dink little high school one. It’s so pretty. You frame it.

Now that you’ve got it framed and hanging in your bedroom–excuse me, it’s an office now–above your desk, you’re ready to go get a job. Not only that, you’re excited to get a job. After all, this is what you spent (hopefully) between two and eight years and thousands of dollars of tuition money working toward! So, job time.

Uh, how exactly are you supposed to get a job?

Everyone talks about it like it’s the simplest thing in the world. “Just go out and get a job.” Well, as you discover, it’s not that simple. Resumes. Cover letters. References. Letters of recommendation. Does that semester of being a research assistant count as “education” or “experience?” What about that summer at McDonald’s? And the eternal question of do I or do I not follow up? Anyone older than around 35 says “Yes, do, you have to if you want any hope of getting the job!” Anyone younger says “No, for the love of God, don’t or they’ll throw your application out right away.” So which is it?

You quickly discover the catch-22 of the hiring process. “Must have 3+ years of relevant experience.” Experience. You can’t get a job without it, but you can’t get any without a job. I guess that semester of research will have to count as experience. I mean year of research. Who said “semester?” Certainly not me. (You call your adviser. “Just fudge the dates, please, I’m desperate!”)

Well, with no experience, you’re stuck. You’re overqualified for all these jobs not in your field, but you’re underqualified for everything in your field. You save seven different versions of your resume, each with a different objective. This one’s to obtain a secretarial position, that one’s to be an assistant manager at Modell’s. Waiter. Personal assistant. Bartender. Professional blogger. And the one resume, buried beneath all the others, that has your field. Mechanical engineer, political correspondent, whatever it is. That resume gets sent out the least. No one’s hiring in your field. Why is no one ever hiring in your field?!

You make accounts on thousands of different recruiting sites. ZipRecruiter, Monster, USA Jobs, Beyond, GlassDoor, Career Builder, the list goes on. Your inbox gets flooded with all of their alerts to accept jobs on the other side of the country or driving for Uber. Buried in there must be just one callback, right? You forget all your passwords. Your spam folder overflows.

The thing that sucks the most, though, has to be the rejection. Most of the time, they don’t even properly reject you. The application process has become so easy! Once you have a working resume, you can literally send in applications on the ZipRecruiter app as easily as sending a Facebook friend request or accidentally buying the new Linkin Park album on Amazon. Amazon has One-Click Buy, ZipRecruiter has 1-Tap Apply. I applied to no fewer than ten jobs one evening while watching my boyfriend umpire a Little League game.

But because the process is so simple, hiring managers’ inboxes are as full of applications as yours is of “Jack, there are 23 new jobs in your area, apply now!” Out of over fifty jobs I’ve applied to, I’ve heard back from two. Gallup was the only one to gracefully reject my application. (I was seriously underqualified, but come on, it’s Gallup. It was worth a shot.) The second, I am in the process of setting up an interview with them as I type. By the time you read this, hopefully I’ll have secured the job. Knock on wood.

Through all of this, it’s so easy to get discouraged. One of my favorite things about ZipRecruiter is that, if the company posted their listing directly to the ZipRecruiter site, they’ll send you an automated message when the company views your application. Hooray! Four different hiring managers looked at me! (Insert outdated “notice me, sempai~” joke here.) One of my least favorite things about ZipRecruiter is that they keep. pinging. you. “Jack, it looks like you still haven’t heard back from so-and-so. Increase your chances of getting hired by applying to five million more jobs using our service!” Thanks, you don’t need to remind me they haven’t called me. I’m acutely aware. And that’s just the ones that are posted on the ZipRecruiter site proper. The rest are an aggregate from around the web. Those, you just sit and wonder.

On top of everything, I’m currently working a dead-end retail job. Just this morning I agreed to take on another two hours on my already obscenely long shift later in the week. Not that it’s actually terribly long, to be fair. But the job wears on my soul. Everyone there has the most negative attitude, I’m busting my tail for minimum wage and not so much as a thank you for a job well done (I am undeniably the hardest-working employee), and on top of everything I seem to be the only one our manager doesn’t like. I’m about to pounce on that Uber job, just for the extra cash. Even Uber pays better than minimum wage.

And that job I’m interviewing at? I’m really excited, it seems terribly interesting, but it’s not even in my field. Not to look down on secretary work, don’t get me wrong, but it’s certainly not what my bachelor’s says. Still, it’s a lot easier to write an Oscar-winning script from a desk between answering phones than trying to sneak it in on my fifteen between stocking shelves.

All this to say, if you’re looking for a job, don’t get discouraged. Is it hard? Yes. Does it suck? Absolutely. But I’m here to tell you, since ZipRecruiter won’t, you can do it. I’m still working up towards my dream job, but I have faith it’ll all work out for us both.

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